Not many experiences in life are terrifying and fascinating at the same time. My mom told me just to keep walking. Then all of a sudden she said to stop, walk out, and follow her into the open room.
If memory serves me right, it was a big hotel or a conference room of some kind. I couldn’t have been more than 9 years old. The experience is burned into my brain forever.
In one moment, she was saying to keep walking, follow the opening of the door…
Then in the next moment, the answer was to walk out of the rotation, or I would be going backwards.
If my mom’s goal was to walk in circles endlessly (which it wasn’t) all we needed to do was keep walking through the door, over and over.
Then we would have never gotten home, we would have never moved to North Carolina, and I would have never gone to middle school, high school, and college.
Such a possibility is of course, impractical, but I think it’s worth diving into.
No experience, no matter how wonderful, is worth living over and over again so you experience nothing else.
It’d be like only riding the same roller coaster over and over again - every loop, every surprise, every scare - always the same - eventually such a thing gets to you (at least, it does to me).
Life is very generous with giving you powerful moments and opportunities. These teach you things and can bring many highs and lows.
The key is to get off when you know you need to.
No matter how much you’d like to stay…
When you get that gut feeling, you need to trust it.
In 2012 is when my content creating really began. I started a group gaming channel with some friends.
Our first video was a 4-player Super Smash Bros. Melee match uploaded on June 5, 2012. This was where I started to hone my commentary and speaking abilities.
Making hundreds of videos with my friends gave me plenty of practice for what God needed me to do later in my life. It helped change my life trajectory for the very best.
I am forever thankful for it.
Running the channel taught me to put myself out there, to trust that God can and will bring people to your content that would benefit, and to trust Him with your growth in all ways.
Letting the channel finally go in 2022 was a very difficult decision for me.
I’d already held onto it for so long.
I’d prayed for many of our YouTube subscribers, talked with some of them through Discord, and we’d had many memories together.
It seemed impossible for me to have something better than this.
I was holding onto something that couldn’t be more reality anymore.
This was because I had grown, and learned all I needed to.
On a bigger scale - I had accomplished everything that God needed me to do with it.
It was time for a new adventure.
I was stubborn, and keep selling myself on a future God didn’t want for me.
It was quite a dilemma to be in.
To quote a BYU Devotional called, “Remember Lot’s Wife”,
“My attachment to the past outweighed my confidence in the future.”
That was me to a “t”.
It’s humbling to realize that. I wasn’t willing to accept it at the time.
I was in denial. I was in the deepest depths of denial and I’d just graduated from college.
To say I felt lost and aimless wouldn’t begin to describe it.
I felt I’d let all of the previous versions of myself down.
I didn’t feel that my life was even worth having a BIG success or dream with it.
Self-critical thoughts swarmed my mind, and didn’t leave.
They seemed to stick to me, and I felt I had nothing to say to make them go away.
It was one of the lowest points I’ve ever been at in my life.
A lot of that was because I knew it was a “Just between me and God thing”.
Letting go of the gaming channel was difficult.
It was a process, and I made it through.
I let go of it. I decided to trust God.
I couldn’t have imagined what would be on the other side of that decision.
For one thing, He had a lot of books in me that needed to be written.
The first one that came out was a poetry book, and dropped in November 2023.
Getting this book out was a giant answer to many prayers for me.
I was able to pour out my soul to the world in a way I never have.
It was (and still is) one of the most joyful, deep, empowering things I’ve ever written.
It’s 100% me to a “t”.
I’ve changed, with God’s help.
The book is slowly flooding the earth (one day at a time, haha).
Today it’s a trickle, one day it’ll be a downpour.
God has also been helping me grow my personal YouTube channel, which is humbling.
I won’t lie.
There are times when I still think about what could have been.
The present feels extremely tough at times to do what I feel I need to do.
It is then I remember that God has got this, and I am on the right path.
The best is yet to come.
This brings me to Romans 8:18,
18 For I reckon that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us.
To reveal in the Oxford dictionary means to “make (previously unknown or secret information) known to others.”
THAT IS SO COOL.
Yes. Greater things will be revealed to those who trust in God.
God does have bigger plans.
They are bigger than any of us can comprehend.
The words of Isaiah in Isaiah 55 hit on this topic clearly -
8 For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the Lord.
9 For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts.
If God is asking you to let go of something you hold dear - trust it is for something much grander.
Sometimes an exceptionally bright future needs to have those testing periods - these help you see what you are truly made of - which helps you have courage.
These testing periods are one of the greatest evidences of God’s love in my mind.
I emerged out of this testing period as a completely different person.
He was right all along, and I was foolish not to trust Him 100% with my life.
I’m not making that mistake ever again.
I’m going where He needs me to go, and leaving when I need to leave…
As painful as it is… I will not delay.
Delaying the inevitable builds up an avalanche of emotions… and eventually it has to crash.
With God’s help I was not swallowed up by it when that happened.
I was preserved and guided to a brand new life through my pain.
Now I am on a completely different path.
It feels amazing.
I recommend trusting God 100% of the time.
He really does know best.
I’ve made the mistake at times of thinking I knew better than God.
I felt He was trying to micro-manage me and I was tired of it.
I felt He was singling me out - and I wanted to try my own thing.
I decided to disregard His loving correction, and I paid dearly for it.
Now I am singing a different tune.
I’m trusting Him 100%, and staying on the path He has for me.
Here are 3 quick pieces of advice I’d share to wrap this up:
Let go - You don’t need to hold onto anything not for you, not a thing!
Surrender - God is completely aware of how hard this is - let Him strengthen you.
Face the truth - Perhaps a season has ended. Embrace it! A new one is coming!
It’s always worth trusting God.
Always.
Life is a revolving door.
Keep walking, my friend.
Wow! I love the analogy of the revolving door. Seriously made me think about the ways that I've been stuck in the past. This is so good!